March 31, 2000
Happy Birthday, Gavin Oxnard Grossman!
8 pounds, 4 ounces
18 3/4 inches
Born at home at 11:59 p.m.
Proud Parents:
William "Eric" Grossman and Robin Oxnard Grossman

On Thursday evening, March 30, 2000, Robin and Juliet and Willow (Juliet's daughter) arrived at our last prenatal visit [although we didn't know at the time that it would be our last!]. Everything went as usual at the visit, and we scheduled another visit for the following week.

Eric and I went to bed, enjoyed some loving, and fell asleep. I awoke at 3:15 a.m. and began to notice the new sensations of lower back and lower abdominal cramping along with the contractions. I had been having Braxton-Hicks contractions for about a month, but these contractions felt different. Not only was my uterus tightening, but I felt the cramping. I lay there in bed for about 20 minutes and noticed the contractions were about five minutes apart regularly. A trip to the bathroom resulted in a bowel movement [which bears mentioning because I never have a bowel movement at that hour] and a little bloody show.

I began to think this may actually be the beginning of early labor and suddenly I felt the need to finally get the toilets clean. I hadn't been able to find time to clean them for a couple of weeks, so why not at 4:00 a.m.??

I awoke Eric about 4:30 and told him I thought the baby might be born that day. We both lay down for a while and timed the contractions, noting they were still five minutes apart.

About 6:30 a.m., we called Robin and told her we thought this might be it! We told her we would check in with her every few hours and let her know how things were going. She advised me to try to get as much rest as I could. I was able to rest, lying in bed, from 8:00 a.m. till about noon. All morning I drank water and some watered-down juice. During the contractions I concentrated on my breathing, inhaling slowly and deeply, and exhaling with open mouth and a sigh. I had five bowel movements by noon, a good sign my body was preparing for birth.

The contractions continued to be five minutes apart most of the morning, but then stretched out to seven and eight minutes apart as noon approached. This wasn't the direction I thought things were supposed to be going, so Eric and I decided to take a walk.

We took a nice, slow walk around the block, enjoying the fine sunny day. We talked about things, and I was able to continue walking during the contractions, reminding myself to be aware of my breath. After returning home I had some apples and cheese [I can't remember now what I had for breakfast] and rested some more.

We went for another walk around 2:00 p.m., and I could tell things were progressing. This walk was slower and my contractions were causing me to pause a little more. Eric timed them and noted they were three to four minutes apart. After we got home, we called Robin and Juliet and told them we thought it was time to come over.

They arrived around 3:30 p.m., I believe, and Robin listened to the baby's heartbeat. She and Juliet got to work preparing the birth room with their supplies on hand. The cookie sheet was set out with supplies; clean sheets and plastic were placed on the bed.

Eric and I each had a peanut butter and honey sandwich and a banana and I drank more water. He reminded me to use the bathroom regularly to empty my bladder.

Robin and Juliet stayed downstairs a while, with Robin coming upstairs every half-hour to listen to the baby's heartbeat and see how we were doing.

The contractions were getting a little more serious and I wanted Eric to rub my back during a contraction. Robin was checking on us at one point and I began to have a contraction. She applied pressure on either side of my hips, squeezing inward, and it felt great. I made sure to tell Eric that I wanted him to do that along with the back rubbing during a contraction.

MaryAnn arrived while Eric and I were upstairs, and I didn't see her until we came down about 5:30 p.m. to go on another walk. I was getting frustrated because I felt like I wasn't progressing enough. Here it was 5:30 p.m. and I didn't feel like I was anywhere close to having the baby. What about the 10-hour labor my mother had had with me? Or the 11-hour labor our homebirth friends Rebecca and Steve Hoffman had had the week before?? Here we were in the 14th hour and I was getting upset.

Well, the third walk of the day seemed to really get things moving. It was the slowest and most laborious of the walks, with our having to stop every two or three houses at the onset of a contraction. During one of the stops, a lady came out of her house to see if I was o.k. Apparently seeing a woman draped over her husband with her eyes closed and her husband rubbing her back was an unusual site! Eric told her I was in labor and we were just going for a walk. "In labor?! Can I get you to the doctor?" she asked. We assured her we were fine and continued around the corner.

After our return home, Eric and I took a shower together. Things must have been getting more serious because I discarded my shirt and pants and put on a clean, soft cotton long-sleeve shirt and didn't worry about any pants. We returned to the bedroom and tried the macaroni 'n' cheese Robin had prepared for us. Two or three bites told me that wasn't what I wanted. The contractions were getting stronger, and I was having to focus more during them. Eric and I tried to play a game of Scrabble but didn't get very far. After about 10 or 15 minutes, I was too busy concentrating on the contractions to worry about the game. The midwives were glad to hear it -- it was a good sign that I was getting more serious.

About this time, Robin or Juliet turned the clock around so I wouldn't be so concerned about the time -- a very good idea because I was feeling frustrated about my progress and length of labor. I had no idea how dilated I was, but the signs showed that little Gavin would be born in the next several hours.

When Robin told me that, I hardly believed her. Just a few more hours? So we continued laboring, with me becoming more and more vocal as the night wore on. I was trying to inhale deeply during a contraction and exhale with an open mouth and sigh. Robin encouraged me to sigh deeper, get my voice lower, rather than making the noise come from my upper chest.

I asked Eric to help me get my voice lower. I needed to hear his deep, masculine voice to help me. Robin recommended we labor on the toilet for a while. This was my least favorite position of the night. I sat facing the rear of the toilet with my head propped on a pillow and Eric standing behind me, rubbing my lower back. The only positive thing about the bathroom experience was feeling free to pee when I needed to!

It was in the bathroom that I remember pleading for the first time for Eric to help me. It was getting so much harder, and I began to say, "I don't know how much longer I can do this," and "I'm so tired." I would return to the bedroom occasionally with Robin and Juliet on hand to help. Robin suggested I try the squatting position. Hugging onto her in the squatting position was hard, but it felt good to have her in front of me and Eric behind me. It was during one of these squats I remember the pagers going off and the phone ringing.

Juliet would have to leave, as another client was in labor. Unfortunately she would miss Gavin's birth. I really appreciated her being with me until then. Robin called in an assistant, Adriane, who arrived in plenty of time to help during the pushing stage.

At some point Robin asked if I wanted her to check me, to see how dilated I was. I was quite nervous about having her do this because I didn't want to find out I wasn't very dilated. Well, she couldn't feel the cervix -- a good sign!

My memory begins to get a little fuzzy at this point. I'm not sure if it was another hour or two before Gavin was born. I remember getting into the bed and getting into the C position for pushing and at some point my water broke. With a popping sound and a gush, the bag of waters broke. I was quite surprised and let out a little squeal, which surprised Eric as well. At some point Robin checked me and could feel a lip of the cervix. She wanted me to try to push a little, while she tried to push the lip over the baby's head. After a few unsuccessful tries, it was back to the bathroom.

I think this was one of the few times I whined during labor. "Oh no, not back to the bathroom," I pleaded. Sure I might have cursed a little, moaned some, and said how tired I was throughout the labor, but I was definitely whining about going to sit on the toilet!

Eric went with me and brought my pillow. I managed to sit there through two contractions. I then went back to the bed with Eric positioned behind me, ready to push me forward and support me when it was time to push.

By this time, Adriane, who is a midwife apprentice, had arrived and was assisting Robin by the bedside. MaryAnn was also on the bed with flashlight in one hand and mirror in the other. The flashlight was to better illuminate the birthing area as the room was lit only by a bedside lamp, and the mirror was for me to be able to view the miracle that was happening. Robin could feel the baby descending in my birth canal and asked me if I wanted to reach inside and feel the baby's hair. Wow! I could feel Gavin's hair and knew it wouldn't be too long now!

When I felt a contraction coming on, Eric pushed me up and I tried to push, quite a new sensation. I wanted to be leaning up farther, but in that position I would be pushing the baby into the bed, so I had to lean back a little and let Eric support me, with help from Adriane. Before long, Gavin was crowning and I was fussing at Maryann to hold the mirror at just the right angle so I could see my baby being born. Robin's voice was very soothing and helped me to concentrate on what I needed to do to bring this baby into the world.

Pretty soon with some strong pushes and some screaming (release of energy) on my part, his head was out -- and what a site to see our baby! Another push or so and out came the rest of his body. He was born at 11:59 p.m.; almost an April Fool's Day baby! He was placed on my belly and let out a lusty cry. Eric and I rested back against the bed with Gavin on my belly, utterly in awe. We discovered what Eric had suspected all along, that our baby was a boy! Before long he was crawling towards my breast for his first nursing. Amazing! Out of the womb for only a few minutes and able to find his way towards his first meal. He had to wait until the umbilical cord was cut, however, to finally reach my breast. We, Eric, Gavin, and I, rested for a bit while the midwives waited in the next room. Robin checked to see if I was ready to expel the placenta and found that it was still attached to my uterus.

This, the third stage of labor, would take almost two hours. I was getting a little nervous, wondering when the placenta would come out. I hadn't been prepared for a two-hour third stage; I thought it generally happened pretty quickly. I am thankful, though, that Robin let it happen as it needed to. I had heard of some doctors pressing fairly hard on the mother's belly in an attempt to get the placenta out. During the two hours, I lay in bed with Eric and the baby, nursing, holding, and admiring our new son.

At about 2:00 a.m. I took a bath with Robin and MaryAnn sitting in the bathroom with me, while Eric and Gavin took their first nap together. It was a really special time as we sat in the bathroom talking and I rested in the warmth of the water. I was now one of the tribe, a new mother standing on the shoulders of all the mothers who had come before me. I had done it! I had given birth, and I had done it through my own strength and the powerful and positive encouragement of my husband and the other mothers, my midwives, who helped bring my baby into the world!

Gavin Oxnard Grossman is now twelve days old; still a lusty crier, a strong nurser, and a miracle to us all!

Robin
April 12, 2000